Further to my mention of absolutely needing a pair of 4" purple heels for a party costume, the other item of 'ladies garments' that would be required to complete the look needed purchasing. So, lunchtime today, Peter (who's quite normal) and I saddled the yellow horse and rode into danger zone of Dirtford (sic) town centre. It's more of an epicentre to be honest, think blast radius and fallout to get somewhere near the holocaust that is Dirtford (sic).
It's true, people who have nothing to be ashamed of go there to feel good about their lives. In fact, if you have a wardrobe that doesn't come exclusively from Primark (or Primani if you're a Dirtfordian) then a walk down the high street makes you feel as if your outfit has come from the most highly regarded couturiers in all the land.
Anyway, back to the 'item' which was, and is, a pair of white leggings, oh yes. The well stocked market has a plethora of vendors who sell and ask no questions, the money buys silence. One particular street trader of note had just the thing on his rail. The middle aged lady also browsing was perhaps a little perturbed to be joined by one man (the other, slightly younger man stood back a little) fingering the same goods as herself. As all the garments were marked as Medium, Large, Extra Large and Dartford Size I asked her 'Do you know what size I'd need for these to be OK for a 16 dress size girl?'. She very kindly suggested the L/XL might do it, Peter then valiantly shouted from his loitering position that 'They'll be your size then mate!'. The lady had backed away by now. Poor girl. I interrupted a deep conversation in fluent Gujarat to hand over the very respectable £3, not an eyelid was batted. Money talks.
Just in case you were relaxing now, thinking that the weird part was over.........we then headed to Marks & Spencer, which should always be called that, not 'Markses' because that's wrong. Poor Mr Spencer gets left out. My good friend and fellow shopper wanted crusty bread, which was fine, but I was absorbed by the condiment jars, in particular one that contained Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce. This was clearly the right shape for what I wanted. Oi! You from New Barn, don't go there! It's obvious, as I'm having trouble trying to locate a clear resin (with dried flowers in it) gear knob for my car, I've decided to cast my own and this jar is EXACTLY the right proportions. Clearly, the Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce will be used first.
So there you go. I'll be making a mould and casting my own knob (New Barn, shut it!) in the near future. Move on.
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